Theodoulos
by Artounian
Summary: Theodoulos; Greek, "slave of god". Sesshoumaru is a college student studying law and living with his half-brother Inuyasha, a recovering drug addict. A tale of pain and guilt and family ties stronger than blood. [No yaoi or shounen-ai.]
1. Prologue - Just a Little Bit

_He had been quiet for far too long._

Sesshoumaru was used to his noises, the harsh breathing, the breaking of things, the whimpers, the shouting. They combined to become a constant background music to his life, at least when he was at home.

But he had been quiet for far too long.

He walked noiselessly down the hallway; noiselessly because it was natural, not consciously intended to tiptoe or be silent. In fact, everything about him was naturally covert. He lingered at the closed door, tsking under his breath. He'd told him not to shut the door for anything.

A pale hand reached out from a loose black shirt and grasped the doorknob. It was unlocked. The bottom of the mahogany door slid across pale cream carpet, and he gazed in.

Clothes were strewn here and there on the floor, hanging off of shelves and a desk and chair. Papers, both flat and crumpled, were scattered about. Nothing seemed to be broken, including the lamp near the desk. The youth in question was laying face-down on his bed, his covers hanging off onto the floor and tangled around his naked legs. Black hair, waist-length, flowed across his pillows, cascading down the side of the bed, not yet touching the floor.

His eyes were closed in sleep, a faint, very faint, smile on his features.

Sesshoumaru let out a breath he hadn't known he had been holding, and still didn't know that he released.

He was asleep, no trace of nightmares invading his mind, trying to take control of him again. Inuyasha was at peace. At least for the moment.

He went over to the open window and closed it, shutting out the night heat and the sound of crying cicadas. He left everything else as it was but left the bedroom door open when he walked out.

Sesshoumaru made his way back to his own room, which was immaculately kept. The copious amount of books needed for his studies were shelved and catagorized with great precision. Each pen had its place in the drawer of his desk, which had no scratches.

He placed a pair of reading glasses on his nose and sat down at his desk. A previously opened volume was spread across the wood, two thousand pages of incredibly tiny print. He became lost in the text almost immediately.

Two hours later a scream broke his concentration. It started as a shriek and then became an almost-perfect wolf-like howl. There was the sound of breaking glass and a distant shout of pain.

Sesshoumaru stumbled out of his chair, flying down the hallway in his haste to Inuyasha's room. Black curtains fluttered in a swift breeze. He stepped barefoot over the window glass on the carpet and looked down.

His brother had landed on the storage shed beneath his window and he sat there still, apparently having hurt himself.

"Get back up here," Sesshoumaru commanded, his voice raised a little higher than usual to accomodate the distance between them, at least fifteen feet of house and wind.

Inuyasha whipped his head around to look at his older brother, his eyes glinting gold in the yellow streetlight. He was clutching his ankle.

"_Get back up here_," Sesshoumaru repeated.

Their eyes locked, Inuyasha was the first to turn away, whimpering softly. His half-naked form stood up shakily and went to the edge of the shed's roof and slid down the remaining three feet. It was a small shed, built more for aesthetics' sake than for actually holding anything larger than a shovel. He limped around the side of the house and Sesshoumaru followed him.

He unlocked the side door and let his half-brother into the kitchen. Inuyasha's cobalt orbs flickered over to the drawers near the sink before looking up at Sesshoumaru, who was watching him. They both were exhausted, dark circles under their eyes, but they were both used to getting very little sleep. One was tired from mind games. The other from containing those mind games.

"Go back to bed," Sesshoumaru said, and Inuyasha limped up the stairs to his room. "In the Other Room," his older brother amended, and he heard the footsteps stop, then squeak in another direction.

Sesshoumaru went over to the sink and tried the drawers, all of which were locked tight. Seemingly satisfied, he opened the freezer and got an ice pack and went back upstairs to Inuyasha's room. He mentally sighed at the state of the window before picking up a slate of wood made just for that occasion, and many occasions before, and fitted it over the hole his brother had left, blocking out the wind and bugs. He then closed the door and locked it.

He passed the Other Room, showing Inuyasha having had a temper tantrum with the pillows, which were strewn across the floor, and having bored himself with the activity had fallen facefirst onto the mattress. This room had no windows. Nor a lamp, or anything breakable, including a bedframe and headboard. It was just a mattress without even any sheets, and three pillows.

Inuyasha grumbled into the mattress, slamming a fist into it, which made a dull thud. He jumped up when two small thuds answered him from the bed. A rolled-up Ace bandage and the aforementioned ice pack were nestled near his stomach where Sesshoumaru had tossed them. Inuyasha watched the back of his brother leave, his own eyes flashing gold in the hallway light that snuck its way into the room.

Sessoumaru sighed as he sat down at his desk once again.

This was his night. Study, investigate, study, investigate, repeat, repeat, try and get an hour's sleep in between everything else.

He was used to this. At first it had been abhorrent. At first it had been aggravating. Now it was drilled into his body, second nature, and all he could do was go with the flow.

His half-brother was a recovering long-term drug addict. Sometimes his mind went into lapses where he lost all control over his reason, because of the withdrawals. And despite having been off of the needle for a solid two months, the lapses were not getting fewer and farther between. If anything, they were getting more frequent, albeit less violent, but overall overwhelming in the pain that they inflicted on Inuyasha.

Sesshoumaru was just trying to get through college without strangling someone because of their stupidity. The last thing he had needed was to take care of his outcast kid brother with his obnoxious problems.

And yet here he was, living with him and studying through all of this, the unofficial guardian while their official guardian was out gallivanting the world looking for rare metals.

Why did he stay?

_Perhaps he felt guilty. Just a little bit._


	2. Insert: Too Late

He had found what he had sought for for years.

Warmth. Acceptance. Love.

_Kikyo._

It was not a person, but a thing. A needle full of red straight to the brain.

It made the heart pound, the blood sing, the body react the same it would to an embrace, to a caress, to sex.

It was an aphrodisiac to the highest degree.

Born to a family that looked down on him as soon as he was born, he had finally found love.

He didn't know any better.

A weak mind, just one dose, and it was already too late.


	3. The Almost-Girlfriend

"Good morning!"

The older male looked at her through slitted, tired eyes. They stared at each other for a half of a minute or so, one overly happy, the other with that same glare. Then he grudgingly opened the door fully and let her in with a flick of his chin.

She smiled again and went inside, heading straight to the stairs. Sesshoumaru watched her go, her sailor uniform crisp and clean, although slightly worn, the green having faded a shade or two. She had left her penny loafers in the foyer with the other two pairs. They looked small compared to the boys' shoes. Her darkest of brown hair, midback, swished around a corner and then she was out of sight.

Sesshoumaru brushed his own pale, plaited hair over his shoulder to hang down his back, the tuft at the end brushing against the back of his knees. Random strands poked out here and there, as he hadn't rebraided it in perhaps a day or so. He'd finally managed to doze off at his desk, head in his arms, for about a half hour before the doorbell rang.

He heard shuffling around in the Other Room before the girl poked her head around the corner to look at him. Sesshoumaru, realizing he hadn't moved at all since he had let her in, shut the door and went upstairs.

"Sorry, do you mind...?"

She didn't have to finish her question. He unlocked Inuyasha's room and she went inside, gathering up a few articles of clothing to take with her into the Other Room. There was some mumbling inside which turned to grumbling.

"I don't _want_ to..."

"Well, you have to. It's Sango's birthday, remember? You need to go today."

"You always make up an excuse for me to go."

"That's because there always _is_ a reason for you to go. There are _classes_, Inuyasha, you know, where you learn things about the world that may or may not pertain to what you're going to do after graduation? And tests on those subjects that you have to pass in order to become a part of society? And that delicious stuff called school lunch, a rare delicacy so rich in flavor that it turns the stomach? Oh, and there's us, too, your friends? How on earth could I have almost forgotten to mention us?"

Sesshoumaru could imagine the snarl on Inuyasha's face by her snarky comments. The image became reality when he walked passed them towards his own bedroom.

"Kagome, I'm tired."

"You're always tired. Now get dressed before I do it for you."

Inuyasha's face flushed heavily before her shoved her out of the room and shut the door. Kagome stood there, smiling, satisfied, as she listened to him change. She caught Sesshoumaru's eyes while he watched them, bemused.

"How are you this morning?" she asked of him.

He moved his head to the side, but still kept their eyes locked. He said nothing.

"Rough night again?"

It was said in such a way that it was like she was inquiring about the weather.

"...Windy."

Inuyasha opened his door, scowling deeply. He had shrugged on a pair of black skater shorts, a white wifebeater, and a red-and-black checkered, button-up t-shirt, which he left unbuttoned.

A necklace of purple beads and fangs rested against his collarbone. He never took it off.

"Are you ready?"

Inuyasha mumbled something.

"No, you're not, you need to brush your hair and brush your teeth. Wash your face. Deodorant. Did you even brother to take a shower this morning?"

"Busybody."

Kagome's smile cracked a little. Suddenly it turned into a fierce glare. "I beg your pardon?"

The black-haired boy wisely sidestepped around her and into the bathroom. She followed him in, grasping a brush and pulling it roughly through his tangled hair.

"Ouch! Jesus, Kagome! You're going to rip my scalp off!" This was barely intelligible speech, as his mouth was full of toothpaste and toothbrush and pain.

She proceeded to pull the brush through his hair, angry, before she toned it down. She marveled at the length of his hair. "It's getting really long, isn't it?"

He said nothing to this, just watched her reflection warily in the mirror, before leaning over and spitting into the sink. He wiped his mouth on a paper towel and tossed it. When he turned around, she gasped.

"Inuyasha, blood..."

He touched his mouth where he felt liquid drip down from his nose onto his lips. The coppery taste spread over his tongue.

Kagome helped him quell the flow of blood, which used up three more paper towels.

"...You're dehydrated again, aren't you? You didn't drink any water at all yesterday, did you?" she asked accusingly. He didn't meet her gaze.

"Inuyasha, you're doing to wind up in the hospital again!"

"Quit acting like we're married! We're not even dating! Stop being such a nosy busybody!" Inuyasha yelled, finally reaching his breaking point.

She stepped back a bit, shocked. Her heart fell into her stomach. His own heart froze in his chest before he broke the gaze.

"I'm sorry, I didn't..." he started, then stopped.

Sesshoumaru stepped into view. "Get out of my house and go to school. Your voices are grating against my ears."

Inuyasha tsked and went past them both, grabbing a bag from his room which contained his school uniform, and proceeded to thump down the stairs, where he pulled on a pair of sneakers at the front door. Kagome quietly followed after him as he left the house begrudgingly.

After putting on her shoes, she paused at the doorway and bowed at Sesshoumaru, who had followed them to the top of the stairs.

"If anything major happens, I'll let you know," she said softly, and left.

Sesshoumaru went into his bedroom, looked almost longingly at his perfectly-made bed, then sat down at his desk and resumed where he had left off.


	4. The Crest

By twelve noon he had not gotten a call from anyone at the school nor Kagome, so Sesshoumaru stretched and left his room for the kitchen. He pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge and downed it, tossing the empty plastic into the recycle bin. He perused the rest of the fridge and decided to forgo eating anything there. They were all leftovers from an undecided time and so must contain a questionable substance inside of the unassuming containers.

They'd have to go grocery shopping soon, he mused, as he picked up a slightly-wrinkled apple and bit into it. He made his way back to the stairs but became sidetracked when he glanced into the living room.

It was rarely used. Both of the boys liked to keep to their bedrooms. And there was no one else in the house to occupy it.

A brown leather couch, almost pristine in its condition, sat on the eastern wall. It faced, on the western wall, a large HD television at least three feet wide gathering dust. The northern wall was taken up by an elaborate brick fireplace. It was this that his attention was focused on.

The family crest was mounted nailed onto the brick. A replica, of course, as this was not the main house, but almost indistinguishable from the real.

Three swords nestled in a patch of bronze and copper grasses, as if they had been freshly stabbed into the dirt. One was larger than the others, on the left, curved like a scimitar and just as wide. Its handle was wrapped in leather that was frayed and falling apart. Tessaiga. The one on the right was straight and true, polished and bright, a meticulously-kept hilt. Tenseiga. The one thrust through the middle was the longest, reminiscent of a nodachi, the tip resting against the mantle. A pale pink-ish lavender jewel the size of his fist glowed on the hilt that resembled a piece of driftwood or bone. Souunga.

He regarded them coolly, the unfinished apple in his hand forgotten. The realm of man, the realm of heaven, and the realm of hell. All three were represented here. Protection, life, and conquest.

All he felt when looking at it was contempt.

Contempt directed towards his father.

"You died," he said to the still air, and the words fell at his feet. "You made him and you left him here."

There was no answer from the swords. Naturally. He felt like he was going mad. But the words kept coming.

"What do you want me to do, father? Take care of your unwanted offspring? The bane of our family? Did you even love him at all, to leave him here with all that? I'm tired of it already. Exhausted. He was foisted off on me and here I am. Do you want me to kill him? Is that it? Did you sire him just to let him die by my hand because I'm too tired to have any inhibitions?"

He tsked, biting his lip.

"He's already dying. I don't even need to do anything."

It was almost instinctual, the movement, as if he was possessed, as he brought his arm up and threw the apple with all his might at the swords. It clanged against the blade of Souunga like a large brass bell and plopped to the floor, where it rolled under the couch.

Sesshoumaru turned around with the accompaniment of vibrating metal, immediately angry at himself for having such a strange outburst, saying words he hadn't known he had meant until just then. And angry at himself for having meant them.

There was a sharp sound and then a loud cacophony behind him. He paused and turned, and his eyes widened at what he saw.

Tessaiga lay on the exquisite rug before the fireplace, shaking slightly as it settled from the momentum of its fall. He watched it grow still, dust motes having been stirred up by the commotion dancing in the sunlight peeking through the shut blinds to shine unassumingly on the steel.

The end of the blade was pointing towards him.

"...Is that your answer, dad?"

Silence.

"So be it."


	5. The Legacy

It had been two years ago since they started living together, the first time since Inuyasha had been a toddler. The first time since Inuyasha's mother, Izayoi, had died and the black-haired boy went to live with one of her friends, an elderly lady by the name of Kaede.

He was actually supposed to be in the custody of Totousai now, but since the old man was always triapsing the world and Sesshoumaru was minding his house while he was studying, it then happened upon Sesshoumaru to take care of his brother instead. It was all a series of unfortunate events for the college student.

He could count on one hand the amount of times he had seen Inuyasha since he was born, before he came to live with him. Each instance was unpleasant.

He'd known about the kid for awhile, perhaps even from the start. His father hadn't exactly kept his affair a secret, or his joy when he had sired another child.

Inuyasha had been perhaps a year old when Sesshoumaru first laid eyes on him. He had heard rumors, but had not seen him until then.

He'd been shocked by his dark hair, midnight-black, and cobalt blue eyes. They weren't a normal occurance in the family. Inuyasha had taken great interest in Sesshoumaru and had toddled towards him unsteadily, but the older boy sidestepped him and the younger fell flat on his face. He then started to wail, loudly. His father picked him up and shushed him gently, rubbing his red nose.

Sesshoumaru, greatly incensed by the noise from the child, had gone to his room while his mother stayed and talked to him. How his mother could stand that screech, and the fact that her husband had cheated on her to create such a monster, was beyond him.

The older boy had been tainted by the family legacy, of course. It had been drilled into his head since he was born.

They were a family very much famous. At first it had been for an entirely different matter, but now it was completely based on aesthetics.

He was the last heir to a long line of white-haired, translucent-skinned, blue-eyed wraiths. An albino.

The first of the family had been two circus performers, two people who had been shunned by the world five hundred years ago and had sought refuge beneath the tents. They fell in love and with their genetics combined, they sired another albino, who in turn found an albino mate, and so on and so forth.

Both revered and feared as ghosts and demons, although they were no different from the other humans, their legacy passed on, and others of their kind sought the family out in order to join it.

They were no longer circus performers, although all of them were trained in the martial arts and acrobatics within the house, and now were just a group of pale people, intriguing to men of science because of their long-standing aesthetics, powerful within society as a whole, and incredibly intelligent.

Although, since there had been some incestuous relationships throughout the years in order to keep the family blood pure, a few of the members of the clan were quite mad. Mad in all three meanings of the word-angry, crazy, and sick.

Sesshoumaru had been taught by two of these. His grandfather and great-grandfather. Both were hateful individuals that had no inhibitions but were too frail to do anything about anything. So they passed their hate, self-absorption, and arrogance on to the younger generation, who was fortunate to not be affected by poor health.

And so Sesshoumaru had been tainted by his forefathers, and immediately hated Inuyasha, with all his black hair and dark eyes and tan skin.

And he hated his father, who had gone against the family and left it for a dark-haired woman, only to bring her back with him and vow to incorporate her and their son into the clan. It hadn't happened.

After a month his father and Izayoi had died and Inuyasha had gone to Kaede. And so the younger boy disappeared from Sesshoumaru's life for awhile.


	6. The Child Inside

Kagome called after school was let out to let Sesshoumaru know that they were going to the mall for Sango's birthday. He didn't much care that they were celebrating something, and was wary about letting Inuyasha out into public. Sure, today had gone fine and he hadn't had any problems, but they came on sudden and unexpected and in the worst kind of places.

But he didn't feel like listening to Inuyasha's attitude if he had refused him going, so he just said "Okay" and let them go. Besides, there were three people with him. They'd probably be able to stop him.

Anyway, this gave him some time to get some rest. Even looking through his reading glasses, his vision was starting to blur and thus studying at this point in time was redundant. So he unbraided his hair and shed his clothes and took a shower. The hot water pounded on his scalp and shoulders as he shut his eyes. It felt glorious. All of his muscles ached and being able to close his eyes was wonderful.

When he started to doze off standing up, he got out of the shower and crawled into bed naked. He didn't even bother getting under the covers or even brushing his hair like he used to do before going to sleep. He lay his head on the pillows and almost immediately surrended to the dark.

Three hours went by. Three beautiful, dreamless hours. And then his cellular rang. He was used to interruptions by now, but they still irked him. He checked the clock then answered the phone.

"Inuyasha is..."

"Give me fifteen minutes and I'll be there."

He was also used to dressing quickly. He pulled on a pair of blue jeans, a tight black, long-sleeved t-shirt, a pair of old grey sneakers, and propped some sunglasses on his nose. He paused at the door, looking at a worn baseball cap, before leaving it and locking the door behind him.

Sesshoumaru got into the stylish and expensive car he had inherited when his father died (he still didn't even know what it was, as he wasn't interested in the brand or the name-they weren't made my his clan, after all) and backed out of the garage and driveway and sped his way to the mall.

It was exactly fifteen minutes past that he pulled into the parking lot and saw Kagome and Inuyasha sitting on a bench waiting for him. Nothing seemed to be amiss, except for the fact that he was being excessively clingy to her and laying his head on her shoulder.

He rolled his window down. "...What's wrong?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"He's not talking, and he seems to be afraid of everything."

A stranger walked between them to the parking lot and, as if to prove her point, Inuyasha flinched and pushed his face further into Kagome's shoulder. She absently stroked his hair with that arm, which was wrapped around him. Her eyes looked a little hollow in the fading sunlight.

"...Get him in the car."

Kagome helped Inuyasha over to the vehicle and strapped him into the backseat. He looked at her with wide eyes. Her hand unconsciously went to the patch of shirt above her heart and gripped it tightly.

"Do you want me to stay with him?" she asked.

"It's fine."

"He's not getting any better, is he?"

Her comment about his condition was blunt as they always were. She didn't find it offensive that Inuyasha was having problems and always talked about it seriously.

Sesshoumaru said nothing.

Kagome closed the car door and backed away from it.

"...Do you need a ride?" he asked just as she was turning away.

She paused, blinking, before smiling. "It's fine. I'll take the bus." She took another step and paused again. Sesshoumaru had been in the process of rolling up his window, but stopped midway. "Can you let him know when he wakes up that Sango and Miroku don't even know? That they'd gone off on their own before it happened?"

He just looked at her over his sunglasses, pale blue eyes blank.

"...Thanks," she said with a smile before leaving.


	7. The Child Outside

Halfway home and having studied Inuyasha the whole time through the rearview, he deemed it safe enough to stop by the supermarket to get some much-needed groceries.

He parked the car at the end of the parking lot, away from everyone else's cars (he might not know what the car was, but he was still protective of it because it was his and he didn't want it to get any kind of nick or ding, no matter how small) and opened the door for Inuyasha.

The young man sat there, blinking up at him.

"Unbuckle yourself."

Inuyasha did.

"Now get up."

He did.

Sesshoumaru sighed and shut the door, locked the car with the click of a button.

"...Stay near me."

Inuyasha followed him through the twilight and into the supermarket. Sesshoumaru pointed to the row of grocery carts and Inuyasha got one, pushed it behind his brother.

"...What do you feel like eating?"

Inuyasha blinked.

"..._Whatever,_" Sesshoumaru muttered under his breath.

Inuyasha was harmless as he was now. If anything, he was at least normal. Or, as normal as you could be while having regressed fourteen years of his life. He now acted the equivalent of a two-year-old. Without a tongue. And one that was obedient and trusting to the highest degree, at least at the moment, even though Sesshoumaru had been practically a stranger to him at that age. He'd only seen this Inuyasha once before.

The older male walked up and down every aisle, Inuyasha closed behind, picking up random groceries. He wasn't that good at shopping for food, but he at least got the necessities. Boxes of pasta, plain bran cereal, milk, eggs, pasta sauce, rice, soy sauce, and a giant box of individual ramen packets that Inuyasha had stopped in the middle of the aisle to stare at. Some ground beef and a few slabs of steak and pork chops.

They had moved onto the produce section and had picked up a bushel of apples and were perusing the watermelons when Inuyasha's head shot up and he looked around him. Sesshoumaru seeming to be ignoring him, instead holding up a melon and thumping it softly with his knuckles. It made a nice hollow sound. *Seemed* to be the key word, as he was watching Inuyasha carefully.

The younger man's eyes had sharpened considerably, had narrowed to their usual sense, and were looking from side to side.

Sesshoumaru was hit with the scent of perfume, strong, and he turned to where Inuyasha was now staring, at a little girl that had skipped past them to go peek at the oranges. As if she knew she was being watched, she turned around and locked eyes with the dark-haired one.

She was small, maybe only six or seven, and was wearing a pair of baggy, patched-up overalls, a messy was-once-white t-shirt, and a pair of too-big sandals. Her hair was ratty and hung to her waist, a shade of dark brown, and where the fluorescent lighting touched her locks, golden-honey highlights winked at them. Her eyes were large and the color of nutrient-rich soil, including the murkiness of that substance, where light hit and disappeared forever.

The scent had come from her. Overwhelming and sweet, stomach-churning, as if she'd dumped a whole bottle of the perfume on herself.

Sesshoumaru glanced at Inuyasha, who was looking at her with wide eyes that glinted gold. He was starting to hyperventilate.

The girl gazed at Sesshoumaru, waved shyly, and skipped away, off towards the entrance of the store.

"Inuyasha."

The dark boy snapped out of it immediately at the use of his name and looked at Sesshoumaru. His eyes were clear once more, though a spark of gold shone and withered into nothing as Sesshoumaru watched.

"Do you know her?"

Inuyasha hesitated, then shook his head, looking away.

Sesshoumaru didn't believe him, but left it at that for now.

"Now that you're back to normal, go look at the vegetables," Sesshoumaru said, waving him away.

"...I don't want any vegetables. And how the heck did I get from the mall to the grocery store?" His eyes seemed to lose their focus, his brows drawn. He'd had a lapse in memory. Again.

"Get some vegetables or I am putting the ramen back."

Inuyasha snapped out of his daze and snarled at him. Sesshoumaru threateningly let one pale hand hover over the plastic-wrap of the aforementioned noodles.

Inuyasha clenched his fists. "...I'll... get some carrots..."

"And cucumbers. And lettuce. And peppers. And onions. And-"

Inuyasha growled angrily and shoved a whole shelf-full of random things into the cart.

"Happy!?"

"No. You've broken the eggs. Go get another carton."

Everyone in the store could hear the snarl of rage that came after that.


	8. Insert: A Flower

Subservience.

Servitude.

Complete obedience.

The scent of a rare flower in an unknown jungle on an unknown island in a forgotten sea.

Petals the dark purple of a deep bruise, leeching into green pistils and a pitch black stem, pure white leaves.

_Kanna._

It was a dark perfume applied to the pulse points of the neck and the beat of lifeblood expelled it into the air.

It locked the parts of the brain that commanded free will.

It enticed others to follow behind, a sirenscent.

A slave to anyone and everyone that would command them.


	9. The Scent

"So who was that girl?"

Inuyasha looked up from his bowl of ramen, which he had been staring at for the past five minutes in the dimly-lit kitchen of their house. Sesshoumaru had been watching him silently, eating a whole cucumber.

"I... don't know."

"Seriously?"

"I swear I don't know her!" Inuyasha growled, clenching his fists on the table.

"Then what was that reaction for?"

"What reaction?"

Sesshoumaru sunk his teeth into the cucumber and crunched it in his jaws, keeping his cold gaze locked with his brother's angry one.

"_Dammit_ Sess, the first thing I remember at the grocery store is you saying my name! I went from walking around the mall with Kagome to suddenly being in the middle of the fruit section! Now stop being so damn cryptic and tell me what happened!"

Sesshoumaru paused a beat before recalling the event to his brother, who listened raptly.

"I remember the scent," Inuyasha said immediately.

"You've smelled it before?"

"A few times. I'm trying to remember when..." He clutched at his head as if he was in pain, screwing shut his eyes. "_I can't_..."

"..." Sesshoumaru finished his cucumber and threw the end of it in the trash. "Just eat your ramen and go to bed." He went to the kitchen drawers and started locking them all again.

"Sess?"

The older boy paused.

"Did I... do anything at the mall?"

"...No. Your girl said you'd already seperated from the other two when it happened. Then she called me."

There was a sigh. It wasn't a sad sigh, or a relieved sigh, perhaps a mixture of both.

"I'm sorry."

Sesshoumaru looked over his shoulder at him, a vague question in his eyes. Inuyasha acted like he hadn't said anything and was picking up his chopsticks to eat his dinner, so he left it at that.

He'd changed a lot since Sesshoumaru had first met him, two decades ago. He'd gone from the squealing, crying baby to a silent adolescent, then an even more reserved preteen. After he had started using drugs, he had met Kagome, and had changed abruptly. He had a personality now, when his mind wasn't elsewhere, and a foul mouth to go with it. His high-maintenance aggravated him and it showed on his features. But he was generally good-natured, though always snarky and mouthy when he didn't get his own way, even though he usually bent in the end.

So to have him apologize, even as vague as it was, was unexpected.

He still didn't understand his younger brother, even after two years of living together.

He was starting to wonder... _should he attempt to try?_


	10. The Caged Bird

It had been a week since the event at the grocery store.

"Well, there, young man, how have you been lately?" asked a creaky voice once Sesshoumaru had opened the door.

Kaede had come to visit. She came every so often and cooked for the boys, straightened the house a little bit, and generally interrogated them about their lives.

"No one's died yet."

Kaede smiled, the kindness marred by an eyepatch over the left side of her face. Her iron-grey hair was pulled back in a low ponytail and hung to the base of her spine, which was hunched over with age. Sesshoumaru let her shuffle in and closed the door behind her. She toted a grocery bag under her arm.

"...and how have you been getting along?" Sesshoumaru asked as politely as he could, although his voice was a bit flat.

"Now, now, my boy, don't ask questions you don't care about the answer to."

So he let her go about her business in the kitchen and went upstairs. He passed by Inuyasha's room where he had music on and was talking on the phone.

"He's just going to say no," Inuyasha said to the cell, leaning back in his old computer chair. His bare feet were up on the desk in the spare space that wasn't occupied by computer monitor, tower, speakers, and keyboard. An Asian instrument played softly in the background. The glass from the broken window he had already cleaned up, but the piece of wood was still situated over the sill.

"I'm not going to ask him if he's going to say no!"

"Kagome, I know him, he's not going to say yes."

"Shut up!"

"...Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Well, I did, but-"

"_Okay_. I'm sorry for saying what I mean."

"Well, fine, I don't want to talk to you anymore either!"

Inuyasha shut the clam-type phone and threw it on a pile of clothes, huffing.

Feeling eyes on the back of his head, he swiveled around and growled. "_What?_"

"You're not very good at communicating what you feel," Sesshoumaru commented dryly.

"This coming from someone who doesn't feel anything!"

"I can just hide my heart better than you can. Perhaps you should learn."

"Why the hell should I have to? And when did you start having a heart?"

"You're going to drive her away."

Inuyasha dropped his gaze to his feet.

"She hasn't left me yet," he mumbled.

"So she's dating you for your narcissistic attitude and bad temper?"

"_We're not dating!_"

"...That's the first thing that came to mind after I said that?"

"Yeah, well, you're even more of a narcissist."

"Stop throwing my insults back at me. It's not very original."

"Shut the hell up and go away! I'm pissed at you."

"So it's me now and not her?"

"You keep me _shut up_ in a _cage_, that's why!"

Sesshoumaru stood there, slightly taken aback. His eyes had widened just a tiny fraction, still too small to be noticeable by his younger brother.

"I keep you under my watch for your own good."

The black-haired boy stood up so quickly that his chair fell backwards onto the floor with a carpet-muffled thud.

"_I'm not going to go back to Kikyo!_" Inuyasha yelled.

Cobalt met pale blue, one set on fire, the other guarded by steel.

"I know you're not going to go back," Sesshoumaru said lowly.

Inuyasha's eyes widened as well, startled by how he felt his brother's words were true. That he trusted him enough that he wouldn't start the drugs up again. "Then _why?_"

"Your... _episodes_... hurt you, Inuyasha. And they have hurt others before. Are you placing your freedom as more valuable than your safety, or someone else's? Do you _honestly_ think I want to keep you locked up here? Why would I even let you go to school?"

Inuyasha didn't know what to say to that.

"You're not a caged bird. You're in a nest so that your wings can heal enough for you to fly on your own."

The younger brother backed away until his spine hit the wall, and then he slid to the ground. He wrapped his arms around his knees and buried his head in them. When his frame started to shake slightly, Sesshoumaru left him to his privacy.

_Dad, have I gone too far to protect him...?_


	11. The Caretaker

The truth was that he _had_ hurt someone before.

He didn't remember it.

_But it haunted him every day_.

It had been the same day that they'd found out he was using narcotics.

He'd been on them for two years already. He'd missed a lot of school. But Kaede hadn't found out until just then.

Her house was on the edge of town, in a rundown neighborhood. They had no television, and definitely not a phone. The mailbox had been all but forgotten._ They_ had been all but forgotten...

When Kaede had seen Inuyasha beginning to insert a needle into the crook of his elbow when he thought she wasn't home, she freaked out on him, slapped it away.

He'd already gone too long without the drug and was having a painful withdrawal from it. So the animal inside of him went ballistic.

She'd been lucky only to lose an eye, and a lot of blood, instead of her entire life. The neighbors, fearing for their own lives, called the authorities. By the time they'd arrived, Inuyasha was with his Kikyo again. They were both transported to the hospital. And his remaining family was called.

Kaede bore no ill will to Inuyasha. She even felt partly responsible. She worked, even at her age, to the bone in order to provide for the both of them, so she hadn't been home very often. She felt horrible about leaving him alone all that time, and hadn't even known he'd been that depressed.

But she couldn't take care of him anymore. Not with how frail she was.

The only one from Inuyasha's family to show up at the hospital was Sesshoumaru's mother. She said nothing at all to him, only brought him home. When her father and grandfather saw the black-haired teenager, they almost went into an apopletic rage.

With all the years of her life in her voice, she promptly told them to shut the hell up and behave. And they did. Grumbling, of course.

She'd shown Inuyasha to the room his father had once occupied and left him to his own devices, which involved him laying in bed, tossing and turning and clutching his head and arms in painful acts of withdrawal. Blood was drawn and spotted the white sheets.

Sesshoumaru had been called away from his studies by his mother, and they had sat down and spoken in low tones the entire night. When morning came, he visited his younger brother in the dark room.

Inuyasha was crouched on the bed, hugging one leg to his chest. His wide eyes glinted gold from the light in the hallway.

"You look like a wild animal," Sesshoumaru commented, his voice loud in the stillness. Inuyasha flinched and clutched his head. "What a disgrace." He turned to his mother. "I will only consent since it was you that asked this of me, mother. But I will not treat him like a china doll."

She bowed her head and then went about her business. Sesshoumaru returned his attention to the boy on the bed that was threatening to crush his own skull between his fists.

"Get up and let's go."

Inuyasha picked his head up and looked at him.

"Did you think you were staying here? No. Now get up, we're leaving. You interrupted the writing of an essay."

Inuyasha slid his legs off of the bed and stood up, glaring at him.

"Is that anger I see? Don't like being told what to do?" He scoffed. "Get over it, and get over it soon."

Sesshoumaru left him, not even bothering to make sure he was being followed.

He didn't understand why Inuyasha had eventually shuffled along behind him, angry but obedient. He _still_ didn't understand.


	12. The Giving

They hadn't had school that day, something about an in-service for the teachers, so Inuyasha puttered about his room most of the time making small noises and being utterly flighty. Sesshoumaru was almost forced to put a set of headphones on, but thought better of it. If he did, he wouldn't be able to hear Inuyasha in one of his other moods.

So he struggled through the noises of Kaede cooking in the kitchen and Inuyasha being fidgety while he tried to study.

Eventually Inuyasha settled down at his computer, cranked up some music, and started to sing along. He didn't have an _awful_ voice, but it wasn't polished either.

Sesshoumaru gave up on his book and just sat back in his chair, balancing it on two legs. He had just started to doze off when Inuyasha let out a screech and his older brother promptly lost his balance and both he and his chair fell to the floor.

He scrambled to his feet just as Inuyasha slid down the hallway. They both looked at each other, blinking.

"Are you okay?" Inuyasha asked.

Sesshoumaru glanced at the fallen chair and absently brushed his left arm, which he had fallen on. "What did you make that noise for?"

"I was singing?"

Sesshoumaru watched him for a few seconds, judging whether or not he was being truthful. When he saw his little brother was being serious, he snorted loudly.

"What?" Inuyasha asked, defensive now.

"Sounded like a squealing pig," Sesshoumaru murmured. "I thought Kaede was slaughtering one for our dinner."

Inuyasha snarled. "She's cooking beef, not pork."

"So the animal can distinguish the scents of different meat, eh?"

The black-haired boy threw himself forwards. Sesshoumaru side-stepped him. Inuyasha slid on the soft rugs, crouched on all fours, then sprang again. The elder pushed his left palm out and caught the younger on the chest, knocking the wind out of him, and he fell to the carpet again. Sesshoumaru pinned him to the ground by sitting on him, his legs pressing Inuyasha's arms to his sides. His own pale hand curled around his brother's neck.

Despite the threat, Inuyasha didn't seem to be perturbed. In fact, his annoyed face melted away to be quite blank, like his brother's.

"Hey, Sess?" he asked, and Sesshoumaru felt the vibrations of the throat through his palm.

Inuyasha made as if to say something else, but then stopped.

"Is it what you were talking about with your girl earlier?" Sesshoumaru let his hand fall to his side, but he still straddled him.

"Can I... I mean... She... asked if I could stay at her house for the night. With Sango and Miroku, of course." This last part he said in a whoosh because Sesshoumaru had opened his mouth to speak.

The older brother paused. He was contemplating. He had not forgotten the conversation they had had earlier that morning.

Finally, after a minute or so, he said...

"No."

Inuyasha sucked in a harsh breath.

"My answer is no because I do not know your friends. I do not know her family. I do not know her neighborhood. You understand, don't you?"

Inuyasha bit his bottom lip, hard. He was trying not to explode.

"However..." Sesshoumaru started, scratching the back of his neck absently, his gaze to one side. "They can come over here and stay the night. Whenever they want."

Inuyasha blinked. "You..." He swallowed. "...do you mean that?"

"Don't make me take it back."

"No! _Please_. I just... I mean, you study so hard, or try to, and I'm always interrupting, so I figured... But you don't mind if they stay? They can be pretty loud and..." He was babbling, but he couldn't stop. An emotion bubbled up in his chest that he hadn't felt very many times in his life.

It was an ecstatic happiness.

Sesshoumaru had just been blind-sided by another polite word from his brother's mouth and hadn't really heard much of what came after it. It was "I'm sorry" a week ago, and now, today, "Please". Something niggled in his own breast, but unlike Inuyasha, he had never felt it before. He brushed it aside as he stood up, relinquishing his hold.

"You can all sleep in the living room," he said as an after-thought. Might as well make use of that room, anyway.

Inuyasha got up and sped to his room to his cell phone and Sesshoumaru went downstairs. He sighed as he went into the kitchen and Kaede heard it.

"Gave him some freedom, did you?"

Sesshoumaru had almost forgotten she was there, even with the scent of her cooking pervading the house. He met her eyes and then looked away.

"It'll be worth it. You'll see," she said, then went back to stirring the large pot on the stove.

_I just hope I don't regret it._


	13. The Friends

Kagome was the first to arrive, near to sunset. Her mother had driven her over in her minivan, curious to see what kind of house her daughter's almost-boyfriend lived in. It was as elaborate as she imagined it would be, large enough to house two or three families comfortably.

Her two little brothers were scrambling to see out of the backseat window. There was Souta, the spitting image of Kagome, except for the age and gender and short hair. A younger boy, definitely the strangest-looking one of the group, was latched to his neck and obviously sitting on his older brother's back. Shippou had vibrant orange hair and a penchant for wearing clothes of the teal color. If he hadn't known any better, Sesshoumaru would have thought he was female, what with his large seagreen eyes.

Inuyasha, after calling Kagome and the other two, had gone and talked a little to his brother, describing their families to him. Shippou had been adopted. All three of them had no father. They had a grandfather that took care of their shrine's grounds and spouted nonsensical historical facts. Their mother was a novelist and stayed at home. With the earnings from her books and the shrine, they lived quite comfortably although not lavishly.

Sesshoumaru locked eyes with the mother and he bowed his head to her. She blinked a few times in surprise before also bowing her head, smiling. It was like a silent exchange of protection for her daughter. There was something about the woman that commanded respect, just like his own mother.

Kaede peeked out from behind Sesshoumaru's back and waved at Kagome's mother, who turned the car off and got out to speak with her. They had known each other for quite awhile. Souta and Shippou, agreeing that the turning off of the car signaled it was okay for them to come out, slid out of the car and ran across the front lawn.

Kagome screeched at them to behave and to stop running over the perfect lawn, but they stuck their tongues out at her and laughed and ran some more. Shippou was the fastest despite his small size, which was half of Souta's. Kagome, fed up with the both of them and forgetting the reason she had yelled at them in the first place, sprinted after them. Inuyasha, who had taken a shower and had just then gotten dressed and stepped outside, dashed after them barefoot.

The white-haired one watched them silently. Some other time he might have been irked to have them kicking up grass and dirt, but a sense of apathy had taken over him. He didn't know if it was a good type of apathy or not, if there was such a thing, but he'd worry about that later.

Kagome had caught ahold of Shippou, a great feat considering he had been zigzagging in order to throw her off, and Inuyasha had caught Souta and was carting him around under one arm just as two motorcycles rumbled up the driveway and parked themselves on the other side from the minivan.

One was a bright sandy color with black metalwork. The other was a dark purple with black, cloud-like swirls. The riders took their helmets off.

The brighter bike had two riders, one a teenager, the other a middle-schooler. The female was clad in black tights and a magenta-and-white-striped, body-hugging top that stretched mid-thigh. Her dark brown hair was pinned back in a high ponytail, the fringe touching midback. Eyes the color of cherry wood, clad in their own magenta eyeshadow, smiled at them all.

A boy slid off of the bike where he had been sitting behind her, a pair of ripped jean shorts and a baggy camouflage top covering his thin frame. His hair was pulled back in a high ponytail as well, but significantly shorter. His bridge of his nose was covered in freckles. He went over to the edge of the driveway, watching the other children in the yard, but respectful enough to not join in.

The other biker was definitely male, even before taking off the helmet. His hair was black and barely touched his shoulder, but now it was pulled back into a tiny rat-tail at the nape of his neck. He was simply wearing black jeans and a solid purple t-shirt. His eyes were, surprisingly, blue with a hint of purple.

Sango started walking towards the house, stopped fifteen feet from Sesshoumaru and bowed the upper half of her body. He inclined his own head. As soon as he straightened his neck, he noticed the boy moving closer to the girl, and his hand reaching forwards...

Only to be smacked away by her own, and without even having turned to see what he was doing. It was instinct born of repetition and necessity.

"Can't you behave yourself, Miroku? We're at someone else's house!"

"So I can misbehave if we're somewhere else?" he asked cheekily. Which earned him a painful-looking slap on the face.

_Yes_, Sesshoumaru thought, _I hope my decision does not come back and bite me in the posterior... Or grope me, as it were..._


	14. The Crack in the Door

Kaede left with Kagome's mother in the minivan, taking the boys with them as well as the other boy, the younger brother of Sango whose name was Kohaku. They were going to have their own sleepover at the shrine.

Miroku and Sango emptied the saddlebags of their bikes, Kagome hoisted a large yellow backpack up on her shoulders, and they all went in. Inuyasha, of course, stayed outside a few more minutes to grudgingly wash his dirty bare feet off with the hose.

Earlier Kaede had swept and vacuumed the living room and dusted significantly. Inuyasha had helped her reset Tessaiga into the family crest, both wondering how it had even fallen in the first place. They also polished Souunga, which had a few pieces of dried something on the blade. The culprit, the dried-up apple under the sofa, was found and thrown away. No one dared to approach Sesshoumaru about it.

All three of the visitors set their bags against the wall, unconsciously trying to keep the place neat. Inuyasha dried his feet on the rug in front of the door and went in after them. Sesshoumaru left them alone and went upstairs.

He'd decided that once they had arrived, he would take a break from studying. He now laid down on his bed and stared at the ceiling, the only light in the room from the fading sunset orange on his walls.

He lightly dozed off. They were being quiet downstairs, their words a low murmur in his ears. They eventually put a movie in, which was also set to low volume.

After it was over maybe an hour and a half later, there came a few noises from the kitchen directly below him. The fridge opening and closing, the gentle clank of a ladle in a pot, plates and bowls set on a table.

A creak from the stairs let him know someone was walking up them. His eyes trained on the doorway and Inuyasha stepped into view.

"Hey, bro, you asleep?"

"No."

"We need some forks and spoons."

Sesshoumaru got up and followed him downstairs. No one said anything as he went over to the drawers and unlocked them and brought the silverware out, as if locking the utensil drawers was normal. _Maybe it _is_ normal in their houses, too_, Sesshoumaru thought.

He could understand if it was Sango's case. Inuyasha had told him that her little brother was autistic and kept in his own little world most of the time, which caused him to hurt himself often by tripping and falling and cutting himself on things. Knives and forks would be too dangerous if left alone with him.

As for Miroku, his foster fother was a spartan drunkard. He wasn't overly physically abusive, but his tongue was sharp.

And Kagome had the two little brothers. Disasters in the making.

"Aren't you going to eat, too?" Inuyasha asked, seeing his brother had only pulled out four sets of spoons and forks. Sesshoumaru paused. He'd need to wash them and lock them away again afterwards. Might as well stay down here in the meantime. He brought out another set but kept them on the counter.

Kagome, who had been stirring the pot, took a bowl and poured the thick stew in it and handed it to him. He leisurely ate it standing up, watching the four interact. All four of them prayed over the food, which Sesshoumaru had never done in his life. It wasn't taught to him back in the House. Then they resumed idle chatter whilst eating. They talked about school, about teachers and projects and tests, some small tidbits about their family lives, which were all uncomfortable to listen to for Sesshoumaru. They all seemed to have their problems.

Shippou was still being bullied because of his small stature and strange hair and eyes, plus the fact that he was quick to cry. Souta had gotten hurt again trying to protect him. Kagome's mother was contemplating pulling them out of school and setting up a homeschooling course for them.

Kohaku, who had been opening up more in his own classes, was starting to close up again. Kohaku spent his "off" days at the Higurashi household under the care of Kagome's mother. Sango felt terrible at having her best friend's mother having to watch over him, but it was the only way since they had no living parents. The both of them had been police officers and had been killed on the job.

Miroku's blood father had sent him a letter recently. He was complaining about the lack of women in the prison system, which he was spending quite a few more years in due to several accounts of sexual harassment and rape. On a lighter note for Miroku's life, his foster father Mushin had turned from a sharp tongue to philosophy and pretty much left him alone in order to stare outside, wondering about the mysteries of the world.

They talked of Inuyasha's condition, which seemed to have improved lately. After the incident at the grocery store, nothing major had happened. He'd gotten the shakes on a few occasions and had a few hallucinations, but nothing exceptionally bad. He hadn't had an unconscious need to hurt himself, which would usually surface and take over his mind. The urges to maim were gone.

Their talk turned to the weather, which was humid and sweltering. They marveled at the air-conditioning in the brothers' house, an expensive luxury they all envied.

"It's required," Inuyasha said, biting into a chunk of meat. Mouth full, he pointed at his brother, who blinked at him.

"That's _right_," Kagome said, gasping. "You were standing outside earlier without sunglasses on. Are you alright?"

Sesshoumaru felt them all watching him, silent. He set his empty bowl down on the counter. "The sun only hurts when it is overhead." Then he wanted to bite his tongue. To say the sun _hurts_ him was a thought that he could not handle, much less _admitting_ that it did. The feeling of openness between the friends had now obviously gotten rid of some of his _own_ inhibitions. He closed the door to his heart with a solid push.

"How does that work?" Sango asked. "Are you allergic to it?"

"It's poisonous," Sesshoumaru said automatically, scoffing in his mind at being _allergic_ to the sun, then cursing at himself for still stating that it was a _weakness_ to him. Apparently that door had not shut all the way.

Sesshoumaru locked eyes with Inuyasha, who was silently watching him.

"If you're done," Sesshoumaru said to them all, turning to the sink. There was a sense of finality in his voice. They all washed their dishes and he put the forks and spoons away. As soon as the drawer was locked, he retreated upstairs, away from them, but left his door open a crack in order to listen.

They all seemed to be quieter than before, which was fine with him. He closed his eyes and drifted off.


	15. The Change in Perspective

"Come here, girl."

She stepped forward.

"Have you found him yet?"

She shook her head. But he noticed the split second of hesitation before it.

He beckoned her forward with one hand. She unconsciously stepped towards him.

"Do not lie to me," he said, his voice as smooth and sticky as honey, dripping in black sweetness.

She stepped forward again and he gently wrapped his hand around her throat. A tremor went through her as his grip slowly tightened, his filed-sharp nails sliding across the purple skin.

"After all I've done for you, and to you, I still see that stupid-little-spark._ In. Your. Eyes_." The last few words were through gritted teeth, his facade going from that sultry smile to a livid demonic visage as his hand tightened sharply around her neck. Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to gulp in air.

"You understand, don't you? That you're mine? That you'll be mine forever?"

Her face was starting to turn red but she still managed to look him straight in the eye. And despite her small figure, it was as if she was looking down on him from above.

"Jaken!" he spat.

A shadow in the dark jumped and then scurried over to them.

"Anoint her. Again. Drown her in it, if you want. Just _make sure she obeys me_."

"Yes, master," said the shrivelled, small man. His eyes were bulbous in his bald head. His brown skin had so much olive tint to it that he looked like an angry scab, a pus-filled green.

His master let the girl go, shoving her with all his might across the room with that one hand. The force of the push on her throat almost crushed it and she gasped for air.

"Come, Rin." Jaken said, grabbing her hand and dragging her behind him, not in the least bothered by the fact that she had been thrown across the room.

She struggled up and followed him soundlessly, massaging her sore throat. They went through dark passageways and tunnels to another dark room lit only by a small lightbulb hanging from the ceiling.

Jaken stopped and looked around, then leaned closer to her. "You're a fool!" he whispered.

She said nothing, just glared at him.

"Don't look at me like that. I know, I know, I'm not completely under his spell either, but I've served him long enough that I know how to act like it! If you know what's good for you, you'd do the same. Don't think of anyone else's safety but your own."

Rin turned her head to look at him out of the corner of her eye before patting him on the head. The gesture made him jump and push her hand away.

"Don't treat me like a friend. I'm not."

She gave him a painful smile.

"I'm _not_," he said again, swallowing thickly. He went over to the back shelf and pulled down a bottle. "Now come here. We need to give you a fresh dose."

She wrinkled her nose but went anyway. She knelt before him and pulled her mass of tangled hair above her head. He dabbed the dark liquid on the back of her neck with his fingers. This had been a ritual for awhile now. Her neck had a permanent discoloration from the perfume, giving the illusion of a deep bruise. But her hair slid back into place and the mark was hidden once more.

It leaked into her pores immediately, going straight to the bloodstream and then to her brain. Something seemed to shut down then, like a house turning off all of its lights or a hallway of doors slamming shut. Her eyes unfocused.

Kanna had taken over once again.


	16. The King and I

They had been quiet, for awhile at least. Sesshoumaru woke up two hours later and went downstairs for a drink. Between studying and Inuyasha, his sleeping habits had taken quite a turn for the worse. Even if he wanted to stay asleep for longer, it was impossible for his body to accept more than two hours at a time, if it could even get that much in.

At one desperate moment in time, just a few weeks after Inuyasha had started living with him almost two years ago, he'd almost considered sleeping pills.

But then decided he would not allow himself to fall like his brother did, consenting to drugs in order to get relief. So he discarded the idea. And he adapted, as much as he hated to, around his brother.

His pale blue eyes in the mirror looked back at him, sharp, but hollow at the same time. The skin beneath his eyes, already translucent because of his condition, was dark with fatigue.

He stepped down the stairs, aware that a light was coming from the living room, and went to the fridge, where he got a bottle of water and chugged half of it. He wiped some of the drippings from his neck with a silk sleeve and went to the entryway of the living room.

They'd set up four rolls of sleeping bags on the rug in front of the television, although only two were occupied by Miroku and Sango, who were resting their backs against the lip of the right sofa cushion. Her head was on his shoulder, his leaning against hers, and their hands were clasped loosely between them. They were both asleep.

Inuyasha and Kagome were seated on the left side of the couch, not quite touching, but very close to each other. He was leaning half his body on the arm of the couch, staring absently at the television. She was seated next to him, arms around her legs and resting her chin on her knees, faintly smiling.

Inuyasha noticed his brother first.

"Feel like watching a musical?" he asked.

"It's 'The King and I'," Kagome amended.

"It's in _English_," Inuyasha scoffed.

"With _subtitles_," she said through grit teeth, glaring. "Don't act like you don't understand what they're saying."

"The king talks like a _kindergartner_. I _don't_ understand what he's saying."

"That's because he's speaking a language that wasn't his first," Kagome said, matter-of-factly.

"Don't speak a language unless you know you're doing it right."

"Oh," she said, her voice raising. Sango stirred a bit at the noise. "So you're going to tell every single foreigner here to not even bother trying to communicate unless they know Japanese one hundred percent?"

Inuyasha shrunk back a little, knowing he'd been beaten and hating it. "Shut up."

"Please tell me it's because you're tired that you're being so stupid," Sesshoumaru stated flatly.

Inuyasha sat up, indignant, his mouth pulled back in a snarl.

"That animal act of yours is pathetic. I should send you to the pound."

That was the last straw for his brother, who forgot himself and jumped from the couch onto Miroku's legs and then at his elder sibling. Miroku grunted in pain and woke up only to see the two brothers locking hands. Inuyasha's feet gripped the carpet and he pushed forward with his powerful legs. Sesshoumaru didn't budge.

Something gold glinted in Inuyasha's eyes as the light from the movie caught them. Sesshoumaru grit his teeth. "Snap out of it."

The spark only burned brighter.

Sesshoumaru unlocked his arms and his brother crashed into his chest. He gripped his shoulders and whispered darkly in his younger brother's ear. "Get ahold of yourself. Do you really want to have one of _those_ right now?"

Inuyasha gasped and roughly shoved himself away, shaken. His eyes were wide. But they were not gilt anymore.

The other three sat there, watching intently, bodies tensed.

Sesshoumaru went into the kitchen, grabbed a chair, and brought it into the living room. He then sat down upon it and focused his eyes on the television, looking bored.

Eventually they all settled down, but not completely. Inuyasha plopped himself on the floor in front of Kagome and she absently played with his hair.

It was uncomfortable. Not so much because of Inuyasha, but because of the presence of his _brother_. It seemed that Inuyasha only became that angry when it was around Sesshoumaru and his superior tongue. And it seemed to be Sesshoumaru that was the only one who could calm him down afterwards.

It was like watching a cat rile up a dog and then punch it in the face.

They all surreptitiously glanced at the albino from time to time, but his gaze never left the television.

Is he staying here to make sure Inuyasha doesn't go berserk again? But _he_ was the cause of it all in the first place.

Inuyasha was grumbling and growling to himself, clenching his fists in the sleeping bag.

Yes, the first place... He glared at the people dancing onscreen but he did not see them. He was thinking back to that day so long ago. The day when he'd turned to ruin.


	17. The Marketplace

The second time the two brothers had met was when Inuyasha was more or less seven years old.

Kaede had taken Inuyasha to a vast marketplace in the middle of the city where a great many people were hawking their wares. There were the basics of food-making: fruits and vegetables, starches, grain, meat, fish, herbs and spices. Then there were the baked and cooked wares. After the perishable items there were jewelry makers and metalworkers, woodcarvers, fabrics and clothes, rough stones and polished ones, strings and yarn, paint.

While Kaede had been buying something special for their dinner, Inuyasha had gotten separated from her. He'd been distracted by a stall with ornamental daggers encrusted in dark jewels and when he turned around, the stall where Kaede had been at was not in sight.

He raced through the entire marketplace looking for her, knowing she would have been easy to spot because of her old traditional clothing of white and red, but found no trace of her.

Panicking now, because deep down inside he knew his parents had abandoned him too even if it _was_ to court death, he sprinted faster through the stalls.

Rounding a corner, he bumped into someone and fell to the ground. He looked up at the figure, baring his teeth, his hair all in his face.

It was a boy, maybe fifteen or sixteen, incredibly tall. He was dressed in white slacks and a white silk shirt. But what caught Inuyasha's attention was how pale he was, and how long and white his hair was, braided and dangling past his waist to about mid-thigh.

Bright blue eyes that in themselves were almost white piercingly looked at him from beneath the shade of an umbrella.

It was actually a parasol, pure black, which was being held aloft by him to shield himself and his companion from the sun. There was a lady next to him, equally as captivating, and they were the spitting image of each other. She was dressed in a rather flashy yukata, purple and blue irises surrounded by golden ripples on black.

"Watch where you're going, you grimy little street urchin," the boy said lowly, his voice deep and flat with no intonations. His voice was as colorless as he was.

Inuyasha bristled instantly. Sure, he had fallen a few times looking for his guardian, but he was not a... _a street urchin!_

"My son, let us continue further in. I believe I see a stall for jewelry." His mother's voice was light as a bell, but heard very well even amongst the din of the marketplace.

The white one narrowed his eyes at the boy on the ground and then turned, holding the parasol aloft for his mother as they made their way through the crowd, which, after seeing them, parted like waves to let the two wraith-like people through.

"Inuyasha," said a familiar old voice, and he looked up to see Kaede, her face more than a little worried. He stood up and brushed himself off, miffed.

"Are you alright, child?"

He clenched his fists. Kaede glanced from him to the two people being swallowed up by the crowd.

"I was not expecting to see them here," she whispered to herself, but Inuyasha heard her. Kaede had always whispered to herself, and in her old age, and to be able to hear herself with her progressively deadening ears, she whispered louder and louder as the years passed until the whisper had become just a really low voice which was easy to hear.

"Who were they?" he asked, angry. He was still absently swiping dirt from his arms. He shoved his messy dark bangs from his eyes. "That bastard acted like they were better than everybody here."

"Watch your tongue," she chided, without any feeling. "That was your older half-brother and his mother."

This comment floored him.

"My... my brother?" he asked, his voice caught in his throat. "You're joking, right?"

"Yes. His name is Sesshoumaru, remember?"

He vaguely remembered her talking about him once. About that whole family. It was just a passing comment when he was younger and he hadn't thought anything of it. They were just another group of people that had abandoned him, this time by choice.

Kaede said nothing more on the matter after Inuyasha grew silent and went about gathering up her baskets. He absentmindedly helped her with a heavy bag, throwing it over his shoulder. He was too busy thinking about the long, white braid. His free hand touched his own chopped-off black locks. His eyes went to Kaede walking ahead of him, where her iron grey hair was tied loosely at the nape of her neck and flowed in a thin river down her back.

Long hair stood out. And with hair as black as his, it would definitely be noticable if he wore the right colors. He set his face in determination and ran to catch up with his old guardian.


	18. The Blackness is Born

By the time he was eleven, his hair long enough to reach mid-spine. Kaede was constantly fussing over it, saying it was too long, that he wasn't taking care of it properly, that there were split ends.

But he stood out.

Not necessarily in a good way.

School had always been hard for him. He never truly felt like he belonged. He was picked on because his guardian was an old woman, that he had no parents. That he was an orphan, unwanted by anyone except a strange old witch who dressed in old priestess robes when she wasn't at work.

His eyes were also a deep blue, unheard of in the Orient. So there was talk that he was a half-breed foreigner.

Abandoned by his dead parents, rejected by the classmates who were corrupted by their _own_ parents, he was pretty much a loner.

He was used to it by then. It bothered him, but then it didn't. He could imagine things and entertain himself well. So he scorned those than shunned him and continued through school. His will was strong.

But it was weakening. Bit by bit, when he wasn't paying attention.

Being rejected constantly... it could take its toll on anyone. Inuyasha was no exception.

So by the time he was in middle school, with his blue eyes and long hair, he was being picked on even more. Long hair was against the dress code, the teachers said. Even with his sharp eyes, he looked like a girl, the children said.

He didn't care, but he cared. But his hair was already this long, so he kept it that way. He'd gotten so far, how could he give up?

Especially when that boy, his older brother, had looked so perfect. Perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect clothes. He looked like a prince stepped out of a storybook, or from the past. He was so well-groomed that it didn't look out of place for him to have that long braid. It had been the first time he'd seen long hair on a male. He had realized that even if his brother had looked feminine at first, there was no doubt that he was male. So hair length did not matter.

And when the dean of the school sent him home for not heeding to the dress code despite numerous warnings, and Kaede had seen Inuyasha's determination to keep the length of black down his back, she enrolled him in another school.

Now Inuyasha was free of the ignorant children of his past. He was among strangers. Perhaps they could make a fresh start.

Except he was so used to keeping to himself that his very aura exuded a want of being alone. So they kept away. And his hair grew longer and covered his face as he watched the others laugh and play around him, how they avoided him once more. He didn't realize that it wasn't entirely their fault that they ignored him. He was still only a kid.

A black seed, planted in his heart at birth, reaching its roots out through most of his childhood, now started to bloom. He was angry. He was sad. He was afraid. He was jealous. All of these fed the dark flower inside of him.

So when he met Sesshoumaru for the third and final time, something was already unhinged inside of him.


	19. The Blackness Grows

It had been raining. Rain always seemed to be a portent of change to Inuyasha.

He was wearing black, as he was prone to wear nowadays. Gone were the red shirts he used to wear, to make his dark locks stand out. He didn't want to stand out now. He wanted to blend in. Unfortunately the blending in wasn't with his surroundings like he'd like but was with the shadows instead. And even the shadows were noticable, in a bad way.

His bangs were plastered to his face, his neck, the tops of his arms. He was walking home from school and had gotten lost. It was a usual happening, as his mind was always elsewhere, and it didn't take him long to get back on track again once he noticed.

But this time he was truly lost. It was a part of town he had never been in.

If it was even his town anymore.

It was like he had walked straight into another city from another time.

It was like he had stepped into the past. From another country, from another continent.

The streets were cobblestone. The lamps were old-fashioned and black iron, with candles inside. They were, of course, not lit at the moment, in the middle of the day in the middle of a spring shower.

If he didn't know any better, he would have thought he was in England. He'd never been there, naturally, but he'd seen movies and pictures at school. This area was decidedly Victorian-era-ish. Including the buildings. The only thing missing were the horse-drawn carriages, but then again, who would want to ride around in the rain?

Instead of turning around to walk in the direction he had come from, he went further in.

Nobody walked the streets. He felt eyes on him from all directions. But he kept on.

Eventually he reached a huge manor, breath-taking even in this dreary weather, and an elaborate fountain. The statue was of a large white dog spewing water from his mouth. He paused at this, studying it, when he heard the sound of a car.

He turned to watch a black, expensive-looking vehicle drive around him, then heard it screech to a stop next to him, as if it had done a double take.

A door opened.

And out stepped his older brother.

He was resplendant in white as always. There was someone on the other side of the seat that was handing him an umbrella, but he didn't take it. The rain did not seem to bother him as it started to dampen the braid hanging over his right shoulder to tap against his thigh.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Looking at a fountain," he replied.

"I meant, _how_ did you get in here?"

"I walked."

"Through a closed gate."

"There was a gate?" Inuyasha asked, frowning. He didn't remember one. Of course, he probably hadn't been paying attention yet at that point.

"Get out," Sesshoumaru said bluntly, flatly.

Inuyasha clenched his fist. "Is this where your entire family lives?"

"Yes. It is forbidden to outsiders."

Something broke inside of Inuyasha.

"Don't you know who I am?" he asked, slightly breathless.

"I don't associate with commoners."

"I'm your brother!" Inuyasha shouted.

Sesshoumaru paused just slightly before answering, "I don't have any half-breed brothers. Now get lost."

He slipped back into the car, soaking wet, tapped one of the bodyguards sitting in the front who in turn got out of the car to stand beside Inuyasha.

But he wasn't paying attention anymore as the car drove around the fountain and headed to the large manor, nor when the guard took his elbow and started to forcibly walk him away.


	20. The Blackness Beckons

Sesshoumaru had known who he was. Otherwise he wouldn't have said half-breed. Inuyasha knew his mother wasn't one of the White Ones. She had been Normal. Like him.

No, not_ like_ him. But like him.

He noticed, finally, when the guard let go, that they had walked through a pair of wrought iron gates, which slammed shut with an echoing metallic clang behind him. He stared at them a few minutes more before walking away.

His thoughts were in such a frenzy that he wound up thinking about nothing at all as he trudged through the evening and the deepening puddles. The rain wasn't letting up. He was thoroughly wet with the warm rain and his clothes sagged and stuck uncomfortably against his skin. His shoes squelched noisily as he walked.

When he started to go to the part of town that was busy even in this weather, he pulled his black hood up over his head, let his bangs cover his eyes, and became a walking shadow.

Even under umbrellas, where their view was obscured, people avoided him. Even as androgynous as he looked, with his black hair in two clumps hanging down his chest, no one even thought to ask this possible girl if she needed help.

Suddenly and unexpectedly his eyes grew wet and hot with something that was not rain. He bit his lip and took off running.

Running made him into something not human. He felt like the rain and the wind rushing through the city. It wasn't release, but it was pretty damn close.

An hour later he came to the very spot that the marketplace had been before. It was only a weekend thing, and depending on the season it was either rather large or rather small.

Now it was just an empty square. How he even knew it was where the bazaar had been, he didn't know. He just knew.

He went to the center and stood there, letting hot tears fall down his face to mix with the rain until it was neither fresh nor salt water. He didn't even realize he was crying anymore. They were silent, broken-minded tears.

"Hey, kid."

He'd never forget that voice, which was old and raspy, or those words. So simple. So ambiguous. Two words; a wheezing breath, a bridge between the teeth, and then a tap of the tongue on the roof of the mouth.

He turned to see a short, shriveled man peering up at him. Rain glistened on his bald head, which was the exact color of olives.

Inuyasha normally would have avoided him and gotten the hell out of there, but he was so spaced out that he just stared blankly into those large eyes. Besides, there was a fleeting thought that bubbled into his brain that this guy was probably a reject, too.

"You look a little lost," the man said.

"I know where I am," Inuyasha said absently.

"In here," the man said, putting one small finger against his own temple.

"Oh. There." Inuyasha's mouth would not stop spewing words. He wasn't even thinking them. "Yes, I am lost there." Then one hand clenched over his chest. "And here."

"We are the same then," said the man, sighing. "Two lost spirits in the rain."

They stood together, staring up at the clouds.

"You are not afraid," started the man again, "to stand beneath a storm?"

"No. There's no lightning. Just rain."

"Lightning strikes unexpectedly."

"Just like words..." Inuyasha whispered. He glanced at the man. "Why are you talking to me?"

"Why are you responding?" the man asked cryptically.

The boy felt a smile grace his face.

"Would you like to get out of the rain and somewhere dry?" the man asked, then started walking without waiting for an answer.

Inuyasha watched him go, a niggle in his heart and mind, like an ache, a bad ache. But he ignored it and followed.

They left the courtyard and went in between two buildings. The way quickly turned into a maze of old houses and abandoned workplaces. He saw the man turn a corner but when he ran a little to catch up, he'd lost him.

His mind started to wake up as he looked around himself. He was lost. He'd never wandered here. And what the hell was he doing following a stranger? Had he forgotten everything he'd learned from his teachers, and Kaede?

He saw movement out of the corner of his eye but he was too slow for the little old man, who struck like a bee. And stung like one too. He felt a horrible pain in his leg and then something being forced into his bloodstream.

"Sorry, kid," said a voice. As Inuyasha stumbled and caught himself on a building. He looked back to the man, who had disappeared.

"Shit," Inuyasha cursed, feeling absolutely idiotic. One man pays attention to him and then he loses all his inhibitions?

Whatever had just been shot into his system was incredibly hot. It burned as it cycled through his veins. He lost control of his legs and fell to the ground. The fire consumed his stomach, his heart, his brain. Everything was red.

Sunsets, roses, blood, fire, rust, melted crayons, scarlet paint, crimson thread.

And suddenly he wasn't afraid anymore. He hugged himself, smiling. His eyes sparkled gold.

He was lying in the mud between two abandoned buildings, practically in the garbage. But that needle had released something inside of him that had never made him feel more cherished and loved in his entire life.

Inuyasha was eleven years old when he first embraced Kikyo.


	21. The Blackness Consumes

By the time the drug wore off, it was completely dark outside. He was shaking terribly, barely able to stand on his own two legs. He used equally weak arms to help him stay upright.

Now that he was at least slightly lucid of his surroundings, he was terrified. He was lost, exhausted, and broken. His head felt like a lead anvil, complete with pounding hammer.

He was cursing all sorts of things to keep his mind off of the fear tearing at his heart. That stupid little man, his stupid brother, his stupid self, stupid Kaede, stupid money, stupid cell phones that he couldn't afford and obviously did not have. Otherwise he would be home by now.

Because of his stupid parents dying off and leaving him to live with a stupid, poor old lady, and because he couldn't afford something every stupid kid nowadays had, he'd been assaulted and drugged and left to lie in that dirty labyrinth.

He was only eleven. He had to blame something other than himself. And his own idiocy.

An hour or so of an eternity later, he crawled out into the courtyard where it had all started. An old clock he hadn't noticed before was off to the side. The hour hand pointed at the two.

_At least I know how to get home from here_, he thought, and started walking.

Two hours later, out of breath and vision swimming, he got to his house. No lights were on. He pulled a key out of his pocket and unlocked the door.

It was a small house. Two bedrooms and a kitchen, and a tiny bathroom. He checked Kaede's room and saw no one. Perhaps she was still at work. He collapsed on his own mattress, which was directly on the cement floor, and curled into a ball.

She probably hadn't even noticed he was missing. They had no landline for her to check in on him. She probably just assumed he'd gotten home alright.

He was suddenly incredibly thirsty but now that he was already laying down, he didn't have the strength to get up. He was trembling something awful. His sheets began to soak up the excess moisture from his hair and clothes.

Inuyasha lost consciousness for a little bit. The opening and closing of the front door broke through his dreamless sleep and he laid there, wired.

"Inuyasha?" came an old voice. Kaede was at his doorway.

He sat up and looked at her round form shaped by lamplight and opened his mouth.

He'd wanted to tell her. He really did. He wanted to let her know about being drugged. He wanted her to somehow get the police involved. To catch that old man that took advantage of weak young children in their darkest hour.

But just seeing her there made a lump grow in his chest. The door slammed shut on his heart.

"My boy, you're soaking wet!" she exclaimed, coming over to him, touching his hair.

He waved her away. "I was sitting outside and lost track of the time."

"You need to get into a warm bath right away," she said, then touched his face. "You're freezing cold! Come."

Even with this display of attention, even though she looked utterly exhausted and was still fussing over him, he was unmoved. No sunlight filled his chest. It was cold and dark.

So when he shakily took off his damp clothes and sat in the tub full of hot water (the only luxury they could afford, and only every so often), he thought. He thought about that drug. It was warm. It was beautiful. It made him feel wanted.

It was just an illusion.

But it felt so real.

So, shunning the only true affection he had ever gotten through the old woman, he decided he would go back there. To that place. He'd make that old man pay. Yes, pay with that red stuff. That injection of belonging. And he wasn't going to tell Kaede about it.

The logic in his brain was a bit skewed. If he could have gone back in time and told himself he was making a big mistake, he would have. But that black flower in his heart had been tinted red and that was all he wanted now. Whatever love Kaede gave him seemed hollow in comparison. Fake. That needle had shown him real love. And he was going to get it, by any means. And he would keep it all to himself. _Forever._


	22. The Search for Scarlet

When he went back to the labyrinth the next day, he didn't find the little old man. He looked and looked, even to the point of memorizing the layouts of the buildings. Still nothing.

He hadn't eaten anything since then. He was shaking with weakness but he couldn't summon up an appetite. Anger heightened, he wandered the city, kicking things around. Rocks. Cans. Sticks. He almost came close to kicking a cat, but it jumped away and hissed. It looked like it had been used to abuse.

He should have been in school, but the last thin thread attaching him to that place had been severed.

He had crossed the entire city in a zigzag and was getting into the rather questionable section on the outskirts of the other side. If you wanted to call it anything, it looked like...

A woman in a rather sheer dress over her voluptuous body was staring at him from underneath an awning.

"Well, now, child, you're a little too early for the fun," she said, a smile gracing her features, which were made up in black eyeshadow and red lipstain.

"Where am I?" he asked, unconsciously backing away.

A hand clapped onto his shoulder and he turned his head so fast he almost got whiplash. A man in a suit and top hat was grinning at him from under a slick moustache.

"Skipping school to come peep at the ladies, are we?" he asked, laughing. Then he furrowed his brows. "That hair of yours..." He took a few strands of it in his fingers. "It's quite beautiful." His eyes locked with Inuyasha's, which were bloodshot from lack of sleep. The boy was trembling now, not just with hunger. Those black eyes were staring at him, scrutinizing. "Would you consider working for us, boy? Pure work, of course, nothing dirty."

"Master, you're not trying to scope out a kid, are you? Do you really think you'll get away with that?" grinned the woman in the doorway, leaning against the frame.

"I was only joking," said the man, smiling. But something in his eyes told Inuyasha he wasn't.

He grabbed his hair back and ran.

He wasn't followed. And by the end of three turns and an alley, he was exhausted again. He leaned against the stone wall and breathed deeply.

"Well, well. An elementary school dropout."

His heart froze. He slowly turned.

There was a different woman standing in a doorway he had not noticed before. She was dressed in a plain white kimono, perhaps the undergarments for one, actually. Her feet were bare. Her dark hair was long and wavy and reached mid-bicep.

Her eyes were a brilliant red.

He shrunk against the wall.

She frowned at him before tossing a bag outside into the garbage bins.

"You should run along home before someone turns you into a child porn star," she said, turning around.

"Wait...!" he gasped. She paused and looked at him.

He had seen something when she had thrown the bag. The sleeve of her kimono rode up her forearm, revealing her pale skin to him.

There had been countless scars lined in rows on her flesh. And tiny holes were in the crook of her elbow. From needles.

He went up to her, breathless. "Where can I get some?"

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Get some of what? Sex? Beat it, kid, I'm not interested in children."

He gestured to her arm. She pulled up her sleeve.

"Knives? Needles?"

He nodded at the latter.

She fingered the bruised skin, deep in thought. She was wondering why this kid was interested in this stuff. Then she noticed the glint in his eyes. That gold.

"You've met Kikyo, haven't you?"

He looked up into her bright red eyes. She had no pupils. Could she truly see him?

"Kikyo?"

"The Other Red one. The Scarlet Thread. Love in a Mist. It has many names on the streets. But it's original name was Kikyo." She brought her hand up to touch his face. Her claws were gentle on his cheek as she lifted his head up. "Your eyes are gold when light shines directly on them. That's the sign that you're a user."

He pulled his face away, scowling. "That means you don't use it. Your eyes are scarlet."

"I don't use Kikyo, no," she said, sighing. "I don't need love. I need freedom." She gestured at her arm again. "This is another drug." She appraised him again. "I know where you can get Kikyo, though. But how on earth are you going to pay for it?"

He just looked at her.

"Enlighten me," she said again.

Gold bore into crimson. He said nothing.

"You're amusing," she said finally after a long silence. "Remember this saying and this time and place." She recited something in another language, probably English, and then told him of a hideout, which really was back in that nasty labyrinth near the marketplace.

When he turned to leave, she called him back.

"If you ever have to resort to selling your body to pay for it, come back here. I could probably pull some strings for you. Maybe get you some pure work until you're of age."

He stood up straight and then bowed the top half of his body. Caught off-guard by how polite he was, she dipped her head in return, and then watched him leave.

"He's targeting kids now?" she questioned the air. "Children?" she asked again. She shook her head and fingered the cuts on her arms. "That child... I feel that he is going to be that man's downfall."

She turned to go back inside, a wild grin on her face. "Finally. Maybe then I'll be truly free."


	23. Insert: Beneath the Waves

Wind.

Tide.

Sun.

Sand.

The path of least resistance. To be pulled and pushed where it wanted you to go.

That's not what she had wanted.

She wanted to dance. Every single cell of her being; she wanted everything to dance.

_Kagura._

It was a shelled creature on the bottom of the sea that secreted a clear liquid.

Cut the skin and let it seep through.

Freedom. Glorious freedom.

The beat of drums and whine of strings and music was in your blood, pulsing and thriving and building to a crescendo.

All you had to do was bleed. And dance.


	24. The Touch of Moonlight

"Inuyasha."

He snapped awake at once, sitting up straight and almost knocking her over. Kagome scooted back, blinking.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

Feeling like he hadn't breathed in a thousand years, he sucked in a large breath. His lungs expanded painfully and he coughed a little, startled. "I'm fine," he managed to get out, covering his mouth. A half-full bottle of water entered his vision and he accepted it gratefully, gulping the rest of it down.

"I told you you need to drink more..." she said, a strange emotion in her voice.

"Relax, will ya?"

"I should be saying that to _you_," she shot back, still whispering.

Sango and Miroku were asleep again, this time laying down properly in their own sleeping bags. Their hands almost touched. Almost. The television was off, just a little red light in the darkness. The chair Sesshoumaru had been in was gone, back at the table, and the albino nowhere in sight.

Moonlight spilled through the window onto the floor, splashing across their friends' legs and winding down the foyer into the kitchen in an ethereal river.

"You were having a nightmare," she explained when he looked her in the eye. "Or something close to it."

He looked away. "...Sort of," he admitted after a few moments of silence.

"What were you dreaming about?"

"The past." The two words had a note of finality to them that made her not pry.

"Why do you let your brother rile you up so?" she asked instead.

He scowled visibly in the dark, the mist of the moon on his features. He bit down hard on the neck of the water bottle. It crunched lightly in his mouth.

She waited patiently for him to say something.

Knowing that she wasn't going to give this up as easily as the past, he shifted the bottle away from his mouth and sighed.

"He pisses me off."

"I've noticed as much," she said sarcastically. Her face softened afterwards. "Why?"

"We're too... different." He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, settled the bridge of his nose against one forearm. He could still see her as he mumbled into the skin. "Everything about us is a complete opposite."

"Oh? Really?"

"Personalities, aesthetics... Maturity..." The last word had stuck in his throat and he choked on it. It wasn't something he would admit to admitting later on.

"They say opposites attract," she pointed out, not even mentioning the maturity thing, as it was a sore spot for him.

He growled lowly at her words.

"Inuyasha," she said, looking him in the eye. He blinked at her. "You're not very different, you know."

"How so?" he asked.

"You're both trapped in a cage."

Whatever snarky comment he had meant to say died in his throat.

"The same cage," she continued. "The one built by your father and his death."

He bit his lip.

"Despite supposedly hating your existence, he is still here, isn't he?" she asked of him, touching his arm. "I don't know very much about your brother, but I feel like he'd be the type to completely ignore you if your life was in danger, if he truly, genuinely_ hated_ you. He's..." she looked around the room, searching for a word. Her eyes spotted the family crest on the fireplace, doused in shadow. "He's cold, like steel. But he's straight, and he's true. And he's still here."

At these words of truth a hot dart went through his body and he flushed in its wake. Not knowing if she could see the blush on his face, he looked away, scowling. "You sound like you're in love with him," he half-joked, but watched for her reaction out of the corner of his eye.

She flared up immediately and punched him in the right knee. He hissed in pain and clutched the leg with both hands as she shook her knuckles and frowned at him.

"What?" he growled, rubbing his knee. "Well, are you?"

"Inuyasha."

"_Are_ you?"

She crawled towards him and he slumped back against the arm of the sofa, heart beating fast, mostly in fear at what she might do next. She straddled his waist, eyes ablaze, and he closed his own.

He flinched when he felt something soft on his forehead but when nothing else came after it, he opened his eyes. Her own brown ones, black in the night, stared down at him. Her dark locks cascaded from her shoulder, the black strands a curtain around them both. She'd placed her lips on his forehead and pulled back enough to look at him.

Then she settled down against his chest and sighed. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm not going to leave you either," she whispered, so softly he barely heard her.

His hesitant arms tightened their grip and he rolled them both over so that her back was against the sofa cushions. He gently touched her face when she looked up at him. She covered his hand with her own and closed her eyes.

It was probably the closest he would ever come to saying "Please stay". But that was enough for her.


	25. The Call in the Night

Once the movie had finished and he noticed that most of them were asleep, Sesshoumaru left, taking the chair with him. Kagome's eyes watched him from across the room but he ignored her. He slid silently up the stairs like a ghost and disappeared down the hall.

He closed the door behind him instinctively, but paused after. He twisted the knob and let the door slide open an inch or so. Then he went to his desk and sat down.

A blinking light and the sound of a slight vibration got his attention before he even opened a book. He picked up his cellphone and flipped it open.

_How is he doing?_

He snapped the phone shut, scowling, opening it again just a few seconds later. He typed in a few fast words and sent it.

His friends are sleeping over.

Hoping that would be the last that she asked, he stuck his phone back on the stand and pulled down a textbook. But it vibrated again. He knew that she wouldn't have let it end there, but had still held out for a chance anyway. He sighed and put the book back, took his phone, and slid into bed. He turned the lamp off and flipped open the phone again to speak to his mother.

_Are you behaving?_

He's being temperamental.

_I meant, are _you_ behaving, my son._

He closed his eyes and counted to ten before answering her.

Yes.

_Your hesitation leaves something to be desired._

He's an idiot, he replied, giving up. He speaks before he thinks.

_Sesshoumaru. And you're no different?_

At least I sound intelligent.

_So you admit to being slightly similar, albeit more educated._

She'd caught him there. A low growl left his throat.

His phone vibrated again before he could say anything.

_Please be more kind to him. That's what he needs from you._

I didn't ask for this.

_No. But you need it, too._

His mother was so cryptic. Speaking in tongues and sounding like she knew what she was talking about. For all he knew, she probably did, having to deal with his grandfather and great-grandfather everyday. She'd also studied human behavior and psychology.

_Don't be so selfish,_ she continued. _Live for someone besides yourself. That is what makes life worth living._

Like you did for father? The one who left you?

He almost regretted the words after he hit the send button.

There was no reply for a few seconds.

Then his phone vibrated once more. But it wasn't a text. It was a call.

He hesitantly answered it.

"There are some people," she said, right off the bat, "That you invest a lot of time into, and it doesn't work out. It happens."

"You took your vows," Sesshoumaru replied.

"Words are words. Hearts are hearts. Speak with your heart, not with your tongue."

He sat up in bed, silent, opening and closing his mouth. He was aggravated.

"Don't be mad at me, Sesshoumaru. And don't be mad at your father. We loved each other in our own ways."

"He broke his promise."

"Yes, he did."

There was no malice in her voice. It was nothing but acceptance. Silence reigned for a moment or two.

"Sesshoumaru, he is hurting. A lot more than you realize."

"I know."

"Do you really?"

He tsked.

"Your words hurt him the most, my son."

"Mine? Why?"

"Oh, my love, you must find that out for yourself. Don't look with your eyes. Look with your heart. Good night."

Before he could reply, she hung up. He tossed the phone into the corner of the room where it landed in the hamper.

Heart this, heart that.

He'd closed his heart long ago. That was one of the first things he'd been taught. Especially after the betrayal of his father.

Suddenly he remembered that feeling he'd had in his chest when he'd talked with Inuyasha earlier that day. When his brother had said "Please" for the first time.

And not too long ago when he'd admitted a few of his faults. In front of strangers, no less.

His brows furrowed.

No matter how strict the training, no matter how long it had been, a heart was still inside of him. Beating, ever beating. A melancholic drum, so easy to dismiss, so easy to fall into the rhythm, so easy to forget that it was still there...


	26. The Hidden Room

After leaving the red light district and crimson-eyed woman behind, he'd gone back to that labyrinth as fast as he could. The door he had missed was a trapdoor in one of the shabbiest houses in the maze. He knocked against it and recited the phrase as best he could in choppy English and the slat of wood moved up an inch or so.

One bulbous eye looked out at him.

"What's your payment?" it asked.

Inuyasha speedily grasped the edge of the door and flung it upwards and grabbed the small green man that had assaulted him before with surprising strength for one so young.

"Your blood," Inuyasha growled, holding onto the neck of the man's outfit and glaring into his giant eyes. "I've been looking for you."

The man gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing against the boy's knuckles.

"Why did you do this to me?" he demanded, shaking him.

The toadish man smirked through his fear. "The Saimyousho strike those who are weak."

"Saimyousho?" Inuyasha asked through bared teeth.

"We sting and infect like bees."

Inuyasha shook him again.

"Stop...!" the man gasped, grabbing at his throat. "I'll give you what you want!"

The boy stopped and narrowed his eyes. The man reached an arm around into a pocket and brought our a syringe of bright red liquid.

"More," Inuyasha said, his eyes not leaving the syringe.

"It's all I have on me. Put me down and I'll get you more."

Skeptical, Inuyasha slowly lowered him to the floor and before the man could dash back underground, he grabbed the syringe. He'd at least have this one if what the toad said wasn't true.

But the man came back up with maybe ten more vials and the syringes to go with them. They glowed slightly all by themselves. A milky sheen he hadn't noticed before pulsed inside of them.

He shoved them all in his hoodie pockets and left. The frog scowled at his disappearing form.

"Next time deal with him yourself," he said in his high voice, looking back underground at a shadow. It only moved in assent. "When he's good and roped in..." The toad cackled and disappeared through a separate door hidden in the corner of the room and the wood slammed shut behind him, and there was the faint click of a lock beneath it.

Those vials did not last Inuyasha as long as he'd liked. They were smaller doses of Kikyo, diluted heavily with something else that just made him even more thirsty for the drug. A few days later he'd gone back to the labyrinth.

Only to be turned away by someone different from the frog. It was a shadow that came out of nowhere and cuffed him in the face and he went sprawling out onto the street into the garbage. When he sprang up to try the door again, it was locked.

"Bring me payment, street urchin..." said a voice behind the door, which then laughed dryly.

Inuyasha had slammed his body again and again against the door but it didn't buckle despite how frail it had looked on the outside.

With the withdrawals earthquaking through his body, he left with a heavy heart and heavy veins.


	27. The Ladies of the Night

Inuyasha didn't feel like going home. Kaede was never there anyway. So he wandered once more, mind somewhere else, his blood pulsing and heart throbbing painfully in his chest. His eyes started to blur. His throat was dry as parchment.

Minutes, hours, days, years later, he stumbled, half-blind, fell to the ground, and didn't bother to get up. His nose was filled with the scent of incense. It was the only sense he still had mastery over. It was like sandalwood, surrounding his form.

There were voices around him. But he couldn't understand. A hand felt his neck, his wrist, his hair...

"Don't touch him."

The two men froze and then looked up at the voice.

A woman in a red and white gingham kimono walked barefoot towards them. Her dark brown hair was pulled back and tied 'round in a simple ponytail. Two white feathers fluttered in the bind, bright green pearls glinted on her ears. A white fan with red stripes covered the lower half of her face.

But her bright red eyes were unmistakable.

"Lady Kagura," said the man, bowing his head.

"Come here, boy," she beckoned with one manicured hand.

Seeing a familiar face through the haze, even if he had only met her once before, he stood up and went over to her on shaky legs.

She looked at them, narrowing her eyes behind the fan in what could have been assumed to be a smile. "Let it be known now that he belongs to my house. None of you are allowed to touch him."

They bowed their heads but she had already turned to leave. Inuyasha followed her. She said nothing as they went through the maze of beautiful and elaborate buildings. Buildings he hadn't noticed his visit before in his haste to flee that man in the top hat.

They eventually made it to an intricate house reminiscent of the Forbidden City, albeit much smaller, and including all of the drastic colors.

They went up a set of stairs and Inuyasha looking around in curiosity, his eyes clearing just a little bit with the slight adrenaline in his veins, then entered through a set of double doors.

A girl behind the wooden entrance startled him slightly when she bowed.

"Den mother, shall I wash your feet?"

"Thank you, Nazuna."

Kagura sat down on a stool and the girl proceeded to wipe her feet off with a wet towel. Apparently she walked barefoot everywhere, as the girl was used to this ritual of washing feet. Nazuna was somewhat plain but with a quiet kind of beauty to her. Her black hair was pulled back in a ponytail at the nape of her neck and was wearing a solid green yukata.

"So you came back, as I thought you would," Kagura said from behind her fan, which she had not failed to shield her face with since the beginning.

Inuyasha said nothing, scowling. He was sporadically trembling, some soft, others violent. He absently touched the bruise on his face.

"The next dealer was not that little weakling frogman, was it?" she asked. "You couldn't bully that one, could you?"

"No." He clenched his fist.

By then Nazuna had finished washing her mistress' feet. She left with the dirty towel and another woman came into the room.

"I heard there is a boy here?" said the new one, who was cocking her head to one side. When she looked past Kagura and saw Inuyasha, she gasped audibly. Her hands immediately went to his hair. He shrank at her touch, but it didn't discourage her-in fact, she didn't even notice.

Kagura seemed to be smiling behind her fan again. "I figured you would take interest in him right away."

"His hair is gorgeous. Such a pure black," said the girl. She ran her fingers through it and they caught on tangles. "Although not very well taken care of."

"Yura," Kagura said, and the girl let go of him and bowed.

"Welcome home, den mother."

Yura was clad in a solid black yukata. Her dark brown hair was short and straight, cut at an angle so that it was longer in the front than the back. A red ribbon perched above her bangs. Her eyes opened to reveal a bright pink-ish scarlet, like an albino rabbit's eyes. She was pale enough to match.

"Where is Tsubaki?"

Yura bowed her head. "Making up the new girl, mother."

"Ah. I was hoping to introduce you both at the same time. We shall wait for them, then."

Another woman walked in. Her yukata was lavender, and her dark hair hung in waves down her back. Four gold ornaments held back her hair. Bright blue eyes watched the three of them. She had a slight air of curiosity over her look of her indifference.

"Kaguya."

"Den mother."

A small girl appeared from behind Kaguya. Her hair was iron grey and her eyes were purple. Her skin was reverently sun-kissed. Kaguya waved her away without even looking at her. The girl went back into the hallway but peeked her head around the corner to look.

The girl suddenly turned and backed away, bowing slightly, as two more women came into the foyer. One was wearing a grey yukata, another dark blue. They were vastly different from one another.

The one in blue was tall and imposing. Her long hair was a brilliant white and her eyes a brilliant blue. A small golden shell covered her widow's peak. She stood straight and tall and bowed towards Kagura.

The other, the one in grey, looked around shyly before bowing her head. Red auburn locks reached mid-back and eyes a pure seagreen. They had no pupils, just like Kagura's.

"Girls, this is a new addition to our house. Please be kind to him."

"A boy?" asked the white-haired woman.

"Yes, Tsubaki."

"What is your name?" Nazuna asked, standing in the hall behind the little girl.

"Inuyasha," he said, looking around him at them all.

"You will be living with us?" asked Kaguya, skeptical.

Kagura was looking at him, a question in her eyes.

"No," he said, after some thought. There was a tug in his chest. The last remnant of Kaede's love. "I must get home so that..."

"So that you are not missed?" Nazuna asked.

"Yes."

"A secret double life," Yura said, sighing, but not unhappily.

"You want a male dancer, mistress?" Tsubaki asked.

"He is young. He still has that androgynous look."

"You want him to be a female?" Yura questioned, a smile already on her face. Her hands were twitching expectantly.

"It will help to maintain his different identity," Kagura said.

"Wait," Inuyasha said. He was clutching his chest with one hand and panting. "I never said that I'd be a girl. Or that I'd even work here for that matter."

"We do not have male dancers," Kagura said, blinking at him, as if it was an obvious fact of life. "And what are you doing back here, young one, if not to work to pay for the love you so crave?"

The girl with auburn hair and the smaller, golden girl were looking between them all, both with different expressions of not understanding.

His mind was in turmoil. Why had he come here? It was unconscious, his walking back to this place. Perhaps the prospect of working in order to pay for Kikyo had led him here, a niggle in the back of his head. Inuyasha unconsciously balanced himself on the doorframe, his panting clearly audible now as blood roared in his ears.

"He's an addict," Nazuna said, eyes wide. She was looking at his bloodshot orbs, which had clouded over once more.

And suddenly he blacked out.


	28. The Incense

When he finally regained consciousness, it was heavy. So heavy he could barely force his eyes to open. There was a sickly sweet scent in the air and something was pulling against the skin on the left side of his face.

He lifted his corpse-like limb and touched the spot, feeling what might have been a poultice that had long since dried.

Inuyasha heard a shuffle of cloth and then a gasp. He squinted in the lamplight to see who it was and saw a vague figure on the other side of the room, holding her clothes in front of her to cover her body.

"Figures. I wait all this time to change and when I finally do, you wake up," snapped the girl. "Avert your eyes."

He'd already unconsciously done so by laying back down and covering his face with his arm. When she deemed him blind once more, she dropped the clothes and rummaged in a drawer for new ones. He swallowed at the noises but didn't try to glimpse.

There was a sigh of silk and human breath and then there were no more noises. He peeked from underneath his arm and saw her silhouette.

She glanced at him with a scowl. "What?"

He sat up and shook his head, blinking.

She faced him, the silk shimmering dully in the lamplight as she turned. Her bangs hid her face. "Like what you see?" she asked, her teeth glinting. She walked slowly towards him and he unconsciously backed himself against the wall. She kneeled on the mattress, which was on the floor, and leaned over him, the tips of her unbound hair caressing his face.

He noticed her profile in the light now and recognized her. It was the girl named Nazuna. His heart raced, mostly out of fear of what she was going to do to him.

But she made no more advances, just looked at him with furrowed brows.

"You're more or less here of your own free will," she said, closing her eyes and sitting back. "It takes all kinds, I guess."

"Where am I?" he asked.

"You don't remember?"

"I followed that red-eyed lady here-"

She sucked in a breath, her eyes wide.

"Wh-what?" he asked, startled.

"Such a brazen way of speaking of her," she covered her mouth in horror.

"But... I don't remember her name."

"You shouldn't call her by her name either," she chided. "She is the den mother."

"Den...?"

"You really don't know where you're at, do you?"

He shook his head, getting a bit annoyed but trying not to show it.

"You're in the red light district, at a house called RYUUJA NO MAI." She said it so reverently and powerfully that he imagined it in all capital letters.

"Ryuu...?"

"The Dance of Dragons." She paused, scrutinizing him. "You only use Kikyo, don't you?" she asked out of the blue.

He blinked and scowled, looking at the floor.

She hmm'd to herself. "Well, either way, we're kind of an opium den? Hence 'den mother'."

"Opium?" he asked, furrowing his brows. He'd read about it in school.

"Are you just going to repeat everything I say?" she asked sarcastically. He had a sudden animalistic urge to bite her. "Anyway, opium isn't the only thing we deal in. But our roles here are different, us girls. We dance."

She stood up and twirled slowly, her sleeves trailing behind her. Her deft hand swiped a fan from a bedside table and with a flick of the wrist had it covering the lower half of her face. She smiled behind it.

"Count yourself lucky, young man. No male is to come into our private chambers." She paused. "Unless, of course, we invite them ourselves." Her smile turned into a grin. He flushed under her gaze. She closed the fan. "You are feeling better now?"

"Yes."

"That's all well and good," she said, looking him over. "You're a new addict then, if you can deal with being without it for so long. We do not have any here but..." She glanced at the lamp. He looked as well. Next to it were two incense sticks burning. "That's marijuana. Not strong, mind you, but it dulls you a bit."

"Is that what you're on?" he asked.

Her face suddenly hardened.

"I am not _on_ anything," she said through clenched teeth.

"Nazuna?" asked a voice from beyond the room that made Inuyasha jump slightly.

"Yes, Yura-ane-ue?"

"I shall fix your hair now."

"I will meet you in your quarters. Thank you."

She sent a nasty look to Inuyasha before slipping through the bamboo blind door. He listened to their shuffling down the hall before sighing. Now what was he going to do?

* * *

A/n

ane-ue - basically "honored elder sister"


End file.
